i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
