How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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