We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?