1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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