he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check