I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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