He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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