My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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