My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's blow job season.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
