Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
