Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
