i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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