just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
