Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dear god my vagina.
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