why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
