Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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