fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
