Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Randomize
