I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
