I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
