At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
