Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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