you guys were way drunker than both of me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
