we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love you.
Bad choice
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
