i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
