even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
