Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
