I'm jealous of your bromance
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
