I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
