It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
