I showed him my bush... on skype.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
