I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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