I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
