y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
