Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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