I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My vagina is officially offended.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
