Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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