So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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