I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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