my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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