ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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