He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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