hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
