im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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