I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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