so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
