i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
