I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
