Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
