oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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