life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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