me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
