Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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