I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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