You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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