her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
