sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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