Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
