I can text with my tongue
im holly from the hills drunk
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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