Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
