I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
