oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
