who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
