Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
